Miscellaneous notes about accepting bad feelings.
[First in a series.]
Vladimir Putin purportedly has a video of Donald Trump directing two whores to pee on a bed that Barack Obama slept in.
Some people think it’s scandalous.
I think it’s hilarious.
Some days ago, I had a mind to post on Facebook that Trump himself is the bed wetter.
Continue reading Accepting revulsion 1: Wetting the bed
Three incidents from Sunday 09/18:
(1) I caught the racial vibe as soon as she came in the room.
(2) In the middle of worship, I looked at my situation. I needed to touch base sometime during the service with _____, _____ and _____, any of whom might give me cash; for smokes, bus fare and candy. I also needed to touch base sometime during worship with each of three other people ISO a ride “home.” My petty, material, selfish neediness so preoccupied me, I couldn’t get into the spirit of worship at all. This did not feel good.
(3) At the shelter, in the shower, for a washcloth they gave me a strip of fabric that had been torn from a towel, two inches wide and six inches long. That was to be my washcloth.
I responded as follows.
Continue reading Resentment and hope
16:03 Thursday 2016-09-08
A case on point.
Today as I walked toward the shelter, I contemplated that I am likely to have no smokes during the day tomorrow. How will I handle this; how will I feel about it? Factors:
• How important is it, compared to other things I may attend to?
• Can I take things in stride?
• (There was a third one, that escapes me just now.)
Then I arrived at the shelter. It was 15:25, and the gate was locked. In the end, I got turned away.
For the second time in two days.
Continue reading Take things in stride
It’s happened often enough lately that I may as well tell it.
When I go into the shower room at the shelter, often enough, unhappiness meets me.
The shower stall I prefer isn’t available, and I resent it.
This guy is taking up half the shower bench, and the other half is full also, and I resent it.
This other guy is taking up all kinds of too much time getting dressed, and I resent it.
As soon as I turn my attention to what I will actually do — where to put my clothes, choosing a stall that is available, and getting undressed in itself — all those bad feelings vanish.
Complaining means you’re not doing what you can.
Related: Here – Now – Can
“Live and let live” is a Recovery principle. In recent weeks, it has been “in my face” from many different directions:
- Recent challenges I’ve faced in managing my own feelings, have made me less judgmental of others who seem to me not to manage their feelings well.
- Pastor and I are not on the same page concerning the concept of justice. He is thus prone to say certain things in sermons that I don’t necessarily want to hear. But I am in no position to demand that he abandon what is, for him, an honest and impassioned point of view.
- Something in Jamilah King’s 12-16-15 .mic article hurt my feelings. I have not yet re-read it to determine what specifically it was. But if the mere expression of an opinion about social conditions can evoke that response from me, it does not bode well for what I hope to accomplish as William Tell the talk show host. William Tell must be able to “Live and let live.”
Ishmael showed up at the shelter for the first time last night. When he joined us in the crowd across the street waiting admission, his face said he’d already had a hard day. Something told me he might be a screwball.
Continue reading Live and let live: Ishmael
I will soon have to find somewhere else to stay at night.
And eat, shower, and get clean clothes.
Continue reading Unwelcome news at the shelter
Sooner or later, it had to happen.
Sunday, about 14:00, I had just bought my second coffee at McDonald’s. I put it on my table and, as they require me to do, took all my things with me to go out and smoke.
Related: Does McDonald’s discriminate against the homeless?
Outside, I took one more shot at trying to understand how evil — negativity, conflict — happens.
There are those who say that evil is necessary because without it, humans would never be able to appreciate joy. I have never found this believable.
Continue reading The inevitability of evil
I was very nearly turned away tonight.
I arrived at 15:45, and the gate was closed. I’ll explain why that did not disturb me. As I’m a “regular,” they’re supposed to hold my bunk for me until 16:00. Leo, another “regular,” arrived minutes later.
A closed gate at this hour as often as not means they’re doing a “count,” a comparison of the checkin logs (plural) to pin down exactly how many beds are left. Depending on who’s at the desk, this can take ten minutes — or 45.
Continue reading Injustice at the shelter
On Friday, July 25, I emerged from my devotional time exceptionally centered, and I stayed that way for hours. Nothing like this has happened to me before. It raised a number of new questions and resurrected many old ones.
Continue reading Coming abstractions
UPDATES APPEAR IN THE COMMENTS.
Blogging experts tell us to give our posts dramatic titles. I might not tell the story at all, but on the one hand there is an expectation that (though I seldom do) a homeless blogger will tell about the difficulties homeless people face. On the other hand, it provides occasion for me to set forth William Tell’s current approach to injustice.
It will also let me model the principles of Free Speech Handbook.
This concerns an incident of October 7, 2014.
Continue reading Does McDonald’s discriminate against the homeless?