Tag Archives: Prayer

Motivation and necessity

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

I visited the ATM this afternoon to withdraw cash for this next week’s rent.  Certain necessities arose at once, and at once drastic changes occurred in my motivations, hopes and dreams.

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Grief and sublimation

R.I.P. Brian Williard, a.k.a. funnyphilosopher.

Homey died yesterday.  Earlier in the week, he had consumed too much alcohol in too little time, and stopped breathing.  Help did not arrive in time.

My grief surprised me, given that, when my mother died in 2011, I never grieved at all.   However, that occurred in special circumstances.  (Link)

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Exceptional horoscopes

I will collect here stories of times when my horoscopes have been exceptionally accurate.  This post may be updated from time to time.

Related:  Why I believe in astrology

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Saturday 2014-07-26.  There is a woman who comes into McDonald’s sometimes, who has taken a liking to me, and sometimes gives me money.  Not long after I first composed “Prayer primer,” I figured I could print out a color hard copy to give her as a present; and eventually I did so.  But for weeks, I never saw her.

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Jimmy

16:01 Saturday 2014-06-28.  [Written in the “smoke pit” at the shelter, waiting admission.]

They escorted Jimmy out of here about half an hour ago.  He’s always been a milquetoast.  Now he was shouting and cursing.  “Yeah, I been drinking.”  Whatever happened at the desk, he’s barred out now.  I owe him $2.

He’s diagnosed with bipolar II disorder and ADHD.  I’ve seen him reading books about both of those diseases, but never anything about alcoholism.

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Out of reach

From my diary:

Thursday  2014-06-19.  13:30.  In a recent column, Dan Rodricks mentioned Manna House, which I’d never heard of before.  At McD this morning, Roy was talking to somebody and mentioned having been at Manna House last night — “with the critters and the crazies.”  I was quite surprised to hear him talk like that, since in my book, he’s “a critter and a crazy.”  The people who frequent that place must be really bad off.  I would recall [a former therapist, whose principal practice was in addictions]‘s saying, when I asked many years ago about the mentally ill among the homeless, that “they’re so sick they can’t be treated.”  Part of my heart reaches out to them; can it be that I might sink so low as to become able to see the world as they see it?  What does the Gospel look like to a hopeless schizophrenic?

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Contrary vibes

Sunday, May 26, I arrived at church after the sermon.  We had a guest preacher; she’s been here before, but I missed that sermon, too.  Her bio, printed in the bulletin, says, “Her work focuses on dismantling white supremacy.”  Those words trigger me.  But in fact I don’t know what they mean — TO HER.  I know what they mean to certain other people, but I don’t know what they mean TO HER.  I have never heard her speak on the subject.  I am in no position to judge — or prejudge.

Related:  Deal with exactly what the person says.
Related:  Don’t presume to be a mind reader.

What to do with my triggeredness?  At BK after church, I prayed for her health, happiness and prosperity; that she would succeed at every task to which she puts her hand.  I did not pray that she change her mind — about anything.  In my view, such prayers have no positive effect, and would only perpetuate the darkness I want to change to light.

Monday morning, May 27, I was in Starbucks.  The table where I sit faces the door.  In came a man pushing a woman in a wheelchair.  I know this man; he’s thoroughly demented, but you’d never know that without talking with him.  He makes money selling these toy balloons that he twists into animal shapes.  He’s really good at it.  As to the woman, I perceived that she strove diligently for many years to get into that wheelchair.  She’s dedicated her life to becoming helpless.

In seeking my own upward mobility, I am again at the stage where I’m tempted to look down on people whose lives are headed in the opposite direction.  It’s as if the vibes they emanate are dissonant to my own.  In the end, I need to accept them as they are; to live and let live.  I’m not at that point yet.

Related: Coming abstractions

I had to find some way to sublimate my anger.  At this writing, I don’t recall exactly what I did.  It may have been as simple as to visualize them surrounded by a brilliant cloud of light, feeding my energies into that cloud, loving them as they are.

Prayer primer

nanocrystals2 edited
All my life, I’ve been fascinated with things that glow in the dark.  Where does the light come from?  This is now fundamental to my understanding of prayer, and of my vocation.

The picture shows what I take for the latest advance in the world of fluorescent materials.  Here are germanium nanoparticles in a colorless colloidal (gelatinous) suspension, being irradiated by ultraviolet light.  By virtue merely of where they are and what they are, the invisible light that shines on these particles is changed into visible light.

The nanoparticles catalyze that process:  they do no work of their own, expend no energies of their own, and take no active part in the process; but it won’t occur without them.
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