Tag Archives: Acceptance

Accepting revulsion 2: Life in the looney bin

Miscellaneous notes about accepting bad feelings.

[Second in a series.]

One afternoon some years back, I hooked up with my bud Brian Williard at the Light Street McDonald’s.  We were there for maybe half an hour, and then set out eastbound on Baltimore Street towards the shelters where we stayed.  I stay at one, and he stayed at another about 100 yards farther east.

We walked and talked, and he talked, and he talked, and a lot of what he talked about wasn’t necessarily of much interest to me.  It came to me:  “I’m doing ministry; he needs this.”  Finally, he said, “It’s such a relief to talk to somebody sane.”

Continue reading Accepting revulsion 2: Life in the looney bin

Accepting revulsion 1: Wetting the bed

Miscellaneous notes about accepting bad feelings.

[First in a series.]

Vladimir Putin purportedly has a video of Donald Trump directing two whores to pee on a bed that Barack Obama slept in.

Some people think it’s scandalous.

I think it’s hilarious.

Some days ago, I had a mind to post on Facebook that Trump himself is the bed wetter.

Continue reading Accepting revulsion 1: Wetting the bed

14:32

Friday, October 6.

I arrived at the shelter where I stay at 14:32.  There was no line of people waiting admission.  They nominally open the gate at 14:30, but in fact sometimes do at 14:15, 14:00 or even 13:00.  When I later asked what time they’d opened today, I was told 14:30.  That can’t be factual, though: given current intake procedures, they can’t possibly have processed 30+ persons in two minutes.

Marvin arrived at the same time.  I stayed outside to finish a cigarette, and he slipped in in front of me.  He got assigned #41, “my” bunk, a bottom bunk.  I got assigned the only available remaining bunk, #40, a top bunk and thus much less desirable.

If I had arrived only 30 seconds earlier, I would have been assigned “my” bunk, a bottom bunk, the one much more desirable.  I found myself scouring my memory as to anything I could have done to have left church even 30 seconds earlier.  I would recognize the mistake of looking only at my last activities before leaving; whereas 30 seconds at any point during the day would have made the difference.

I would recognize that I was “bargaining.”

Continue reading 14:32

Forgiving the cosmos

For years, I’ve had a special sensitivity to reports of child abuse.

This one may give you nightmares for the rest of your life.

victoria-martensVictoria Martens

According to the police report, on her 10th birthday, the mother’s boyfriend and his female cousin injected this little girl with drugs “to calm her down.”  They proceeded to strangle, torture, rape and dismember her.

While her mother looked on.

Where is God, or what is God, when such an event can occur?

Continue reading Forgiving the cosmos

Resentment and hope

Three incidents from Sunday 09/18:

(1) I caught the racial vibe as soon as she came in the room.

(2) In the middle of worship, I looked at my situation.  I needed to touch base sometime during the service with _____, _____ and _____, any of whom might give me cash; for smokes, bus fare and candy.  I also needed to touch base sometime during worship with each of three other people ISO a ride “home.”  My petty, material, selfish neediness so preoccupied me, I couldn’t get into the spirit of worship at all.  This did not feel good.

(3) At the shelter, in the shower, for a washcloth they gave me a strip of fabric that had been torn from a towel, two inches wide and six inches long.  That was to be my washcloth.

I responded as follows.

Continue reading Resentment and hope

Take things in stride

16:03 Thursday 2016-09-08

A case on point.

Today as I walked toward the shelter, I contemplated that I am likely to have no smokes during the day tomorrow. How will I handle this; how will I feel about it? Factors:

• How important is it, compared to other things I may attend to?
• Can I take things in stride?
• (There was a third one, that escapes me just now.)

Then I arrived at the shelter. It was 15:25, and the gate was locked. In the end, I got turned away.

For the second time in two days.

Continue reading Take things in stride

The best present makes the best future.

I’m posting very little new material these days, but there are hundreds of posts different folks may not have seen the first time around.  So I’ve had in mind possibly to start “recycling” old posts.

I happened across this one today.  Actually, its story has been on my mind given recent difficulties getting into the shelter.  And when I re-read it today, I was moved, not just by the story about Leo, but the remark about dwelling in untoward feelings.  I see so many people around me, and so many expressions in the media, of folk dwelling in grievance, anger, the feeling of injustice, of being disadvantaged, of harboring resentment especially against those of different skin color.

And even within Christianity, I find sometimes such negativity being encouraged, in the name of justice; wholly forgetting the Gospel mandate to forgive, forgive, forgive.

The below post first appeared 2015-12-12.

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Saturday 2015-12-05

14:40. Actually, Leo arrived first.

But he got turned away.

Continue reading The best present makes the best future.

Self-management: A snippet

It’s happened often enough lately that I may as well tell it.

When I go into the shower room at the shelter, often enough, unhappiness meets me.

The shower stall I prefer isn’t available, and I resent it.

This guy is taking up half the shower bench, and the other half is full also, and I resent it.

This other guy is taking up all kinds of too much time getting dressed, and I resent it.

As soon as I turn my attention to what I will actually do — where to put my clothes, choosing a stall that is available, and getting undressed in itself — all those bad feelings vanish.

Complaining means you’re not doing what you can.

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