One’s ulterior motives can be wholly different from anything one would expect, and can make one do funny things — that one likewise would never expect. At least, things that have nothing to do with one’s real needs.
Decades ago, my brother Francis, the dentist, knowing that my prescription medicines include SSRIs, asked whether I grit my teeth at night; for it’s common for such patients to do that.
I don’t grit my teeth, but I do take special joy in crunchy foods. This has been on my mind, as this hankering has been prominent in recent months. On occasions when I got turned away from the shelter, I would buy lots and lots of potato chips to include in supper, since they’re crunchy. Also, potatoes are high in tryptophan, a precursor of serotonin; so that potatoes are, in fact, a mood-enhancing food. Continue reading Ulterior motives are funny.
Miscellaneous notes about accepting bad feelings.
[Second in a series.]
One afternoon some years back, I hooked up with my bud Brian Williard at the Light Street McDonald’s. We were there for maybe half an hour, and then set out eastbound on Baltimore Street towards the shelters where we stayed. I stay at one, and he stayed at another about 100 yards farther east.
We walked and talked, and he talked, and he talked, and a lot of what he talked about wasn’t necessarily of much interest to me. It came to me: “I’m doing ministry; he needs this.” Finally, he said, “It’s such a relief to talk to somebody sane.”
Continue reading Accepting revulsion 2: Life in the looney bin
Miscellaneous notes about accepting bad feelings.
[First in a series.]
Vladimir Putin purportedly has a video of Donald Trump directing two whores to pee on a bed that Barack Obama slept in.
Some people think it’s scandalous.
I think it’s hilarious.
Some days ago, I had a mind to post on Facebook that Trump himself is the bed wetter.
Continue reading Accepting revulsion 1: Wetting the bed
I happened upon this completely by accident. Quite a few of the suggestions echo things I’ve been saying for a long time. I note particularly the connection between happiness and health.
Friday, October 6.
I arrived at the shelter where I stay at 14:32. There was no line of people waiting admission. They nominally open the gate at 14:30, but in fact sometimes do at 14:15, 14:00 or even 13:00. When I later asked what time they’d opened today, I was told 14:30. That can’t be factual, though: given current intake procedures, they can’t possibly have processed 30+ persons in two minutes.
Marvin arrived at the same time. I stayed outside to finish a cigarette, and he slipped in in front of me. He got assigned #41, “my” bunk, a bottom bunk. I got assigned the only available remaining bunk, #40, a top bunk and thus much less desirable.
If I had arrived only 30 seconds earlier, I would have been assigned “my” bunk, a bottom bunk, the one much more desirable. I found myself scouring my memory as to anything I could have done to have left church even 30 seconds earlier. I would recognize the mistake of looking only at my last activities before leaving; whereas 30 seconds at any point during the day would have made the difference.
I would recognize that I was “bargaining.”
Continue reading 14:32
For years, I’ve had a special sensitivity to reports of child abuse.
This one may give you nightmares for the rest of your life.
According to the police report, on her 10th birthday, the mother’s boyfriend and his female cousin injected this little girl with drugs “to calm her down.” They proceeded to strangle, torture, rape and dismember her.
While her mother looked on.
Where is God, or what is God, when such an event can occur?
Continue reading Forgiving the cosmos
If you have come across this post, it was most likely via searching on one of the below tags. All pertain to Saturday’s post:
Tags: Continue reading About the Parable of the Talents – Still more tags
Three incidents from Sunday 09/18:
(1) I caught the racial vibe as soon as she came in the room.
(2) In the middle of worship, I looked at my situation. I needed to touch base sometime during the service with _____, _____ and _____, any of whom might give me cash; for smokes, bus fare and candy. I also needed to touch base sometime during worship with each of three other people ISO a ride “home.” My petty, material, selfish neediness so preoccupied me, I couldn’t get into the spirit of worship at all. This did not feel good.
(3) At the shelter, in the shower, for a washcloth they gave me a strip of fabric that had been torn from a towel, two inches wide and six inches long. That was to be my washcloth.
I responded as follows.
Continue reading Resentment and hope
16:03 Thursday 2016-09-08
A case on point.
Today as I walked toward the shelter, I contemplated that I am likely to have no smokes during the day tomorrow. How will I handle this; how will I feel about it? Factors:
• How important is it, compared to other things I may attend to?
• Can I take things in stride?
• (There was a third one, that escapes me just now.)
Then I arrived at the shelter. It was 15:25, and the gate was locked. In the end, I got turned away.
For the second time in two days.
Continue reading Take things in stride
I’m posting very little new material these days, but there are hundreds of posts different folks may not have seen the first time around. So I’ve had in mind possibly to start “recycling” old posts.
I happened across this one today. Actually, its story has been on my mind given recent difficulties getting into the shelter. And when I re-read it today, I was moved, not just by the story about Leo, but the remark about dwelling in untoward feelings. I see so many people around me, and so many expressions in the media, of folk dwelling in grievance, anger, the feeling of injustice, of being disadvantaged, of harboring resentment especially against those of different skin color.
And even within Christianity, I find sometimes such negativity being encouraged, in the name of justice; wholly forgetting the Gospel mandate to forgive, forgive, forgive.
The below post first appeared 2015-12-12.
14:40. Actually, Leo arrived first.
But he got turned away.
Continue reading The best present makes the best future.