(Reblogged from Brain Sweets.)
Posted by Tracy Seekins ⋅ February 3, 2014 ⋅ Leave a Comment
Filed Under communication, conversation, interrupting, listening, talking
Are you listening? Really listening? When you are in a conversation with a friend or anyone, are you hearing what the other says? Or are you thinking about what you will say next? Are you waiting for your opportunity to tell some story? Do you get so excited or impatient that you interrupt? When the other person stops speaking do you begin immediately or do you wait 3 seconds?
Listening is an integral part of communication. Sometimes real listening means you don’t get to tell the story you had in your mind or say the comment you had 3 sentences ago. Real listening means when the other speaker is done and it is your turn that you are continuing the thought, commenting on what they actually said. Waiting 3 seconds after the other person is done speaking is a way to allow your thoughts to form and shows you were listening.
So are you a good listener?
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Another good post from Tracy:
(Originally posted 2014-03-01.)
Friday, November 3, 2017
This message is principally addressed to me, myself. After a couple weeks of doing pretty well at The Way of Peace, I’ve come again to a juncture where I seem to have tired of being happy, and am inclined to let go of this Way and return to, frankly, the way most people live.
Related: Learning curve
I may need to reason with myself, to persuade myself that self-management (1) is really worth the effort and (2) deserves to be a “First Thing” — a concern to be given priority, and to be held more important than other concerns.
Continue reading Sales pitch
On one occasion sometime between 1983 and 1990 — I can recall where I was living, but not where I was working — I came home from work and became suicidal. I don’t recall the basis of my agony, but it almost certainly pertained to certain foibles of “the flesh” that my “spirit” seemed powerless to overcome.
A former student had left a cassette tape at my door that day, full of music he wanted to share with me, beginning with “Bad” by U2. I had a second floor apartment, and had sometimes heard this from the boom boxes of people who walked by outside; and I knew what effect it would have on me, particularly the opening section, with the bells. Given my state, for that reason I intentionally delayed playing it.
When I couldn’t bear the pain any more, I put it on, and was at once transported from the pit of despair into a place of perfect peace. I count this as a case of divine intervention: by means of that young man and that music, God saved my life.
Continue reading A short route to agony
The only hell of concern to me is the living hell, in this life, here and now, that people create for themselves and one another.
Today, the Central African Republic is a prime example.
There is a history to this conflict that goes back to 1960, but as far as I can tell this land has never known peace at any time.
It’s a matter of what the people there choose to want from day to day.
Continue reading A living hell
Part I: Issues with upcoming posts
If I’ve learned anything in the past two years, it’s this:
(1) The Way of Peace works, and my calling is to walk this way. But it takes work that I’m not always willing to do. Call it cross-bearing.
(2) A large portion of the poor will inevitably be poor forever.
(3) No one can prescribe another person’s dreams.
Continue reading Issues with upcoming posts II
(Originally posted 02/08/14.)
Adam Grant, The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence
Daniel Goleman, An Antidote to the Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence
Dilemma: a hammer can be used either to build a house or to destroy priceless heirlooms. Possessing the tool of emotional intelligence does not mean one will use it favorably. What makes the difference?
In anticipating this post, I searched for a traditional term for “emotional intelligence.” I decided that the traditional term for it is wisdom. The Old Testament consistently refers to people who have emotional intelligence as “wise.” Those who lack it, it calls “fools.”
In the previous post, we saw that emotional intelligence, or wisdom, is a major determinant of personal effectiveness and success in life; in short, of prosperity. To the extent one wishes all people to prosper, it seems desirable that all people be wise.
In short, the wise prosper.
But the wise aren’t necessarily good, and the good aren’t necessarily wise.
Continue reading The dark side of EQ
One’s ulterior motives can be wholly different from anything one would expect, and can make one do funny things — that one likewise would never expect. At least, things that have nothing to do with one’s real needs.
Decades ago, my brother Francis, the dentist, knowing that my prescription medicines include SSRIs, asked whether I grit my teeth at night; for it’s common for such patients to do that.
I don’t grit my teeth, but I do take special joy in crunchy foods. This has been on my mind, as this hankering has been prominent in recent months. On occasions when I got turned away from the shelter, I would buy lots and lots of potato chips to include in supper, since they’re crunchy. Also, potatoes are high in tryptophan, a precursor of serotonin; so that potatoes are, in fact, a mood-enhancing food. Continue reading Ulterior motives are funny.
Late in the day Tuesday, it came to me that the older I get, and presumably the more mature and the wiser I get, the more likely people I meet are to do and say things that strike me as immature or foolish.
(1) The elder has a duty to offer her or his wisdom as needed.
(2) I must keep in mind: that person is the me I once was. I used to act that way. I used to think that way.
(Originally posted 02/01/14.)
If you’re in a boat out on the water, and a storm comes up, and the boat’s rocking and at risk of tipping over; it’s critical to turn the boat to face into the wind. This won’t stop the wind, but will keep it from rocking the boat.
Emotional intelligence is like that. It won’t make life’s storms go away, but can help keep them from rocking your boat.
In my view, emotional intelligence is the same as emotional maturity or psychological or spiritual maturity. This is what spiritual growth is all about.
Continue reading How emotionally intelligent are you? Here’s how to tell.
(Originally posted 01/29/14.)
In the process of “recycling” old posts on Wednesdays(*), I am now coming upon a number of posts with which I’m not completely comfortable. I probably would not write them, now or in the future, the way I did at the time; but I’m also still not sure exactly how I’d write them differently.
At the time I wrote those posts, I supposed my homelessness would be brief, and William Tell would soon enough become a public figure able to speak to what he saw as the pressing social issues. My homelessness continues eighteen months later, and my perceptions of those issues have changed.
Continue reading Issues with upcoming posts