Category Archives: Motivations

Motivation and necessity

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

I visited the ATM this afternoon to withdraw cash for this next week’s rent.  Certain necessities arose at once, and at once drastic changes occurred in my motivations, hopes and dreams.

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Becoming William Tell

This begins with an e-mail exchange between follower Vikkilyn and myself, back in May.

Wednesday, 05/21/14:  Me:  Recent events[1] suggest it’s time for me to get more serious about “becoming” William Tell.  There are some emotional obstacles there, so it’s going to take some work, and seeing this, it’s easy for me to grasp why William Tell hasn’t “happened” yet.  I’ll get through it.

Tuesday, 05/27/14: Vikkilyn:  Not sure what you mean by “becoming” William Tell?  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Tell  What part of William Tell do you want to be?  (I realize that is your “stage name” but you must have picked it for some reason, after all you have written a lot about the power in a name.)

This post includes many footnotes. To get to any footnote, click on the link in the body of the text. When you’re done reading the footnote, ALT+LEFT will return you to your original place in the text.

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When you can’t get what you want

(Originally published July 5, 2013 at Trojan Horse Productions.  Reblogged 2014-09-17.)

There is a song from The Sound of Music that relates; it concludes, “… I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad.”

Wednesday morning I stood outside McDonald’s having my last smoke before leaving.  I considered that as soon as I got to the library, I’d need to count my pennies and plan spending for the rest of the week.  I pondered whether or not to buy a soda on my way there.  I’d had some unusual spending earlier in the week, and faced some more unusual spending in connection with the 4th of July (The library’s closed.).  The wisdom of having bought or not bought a soda at this time would depend on the outcome of that planning.

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Treasures in heaven redux

Saturday, May 17, 2014.  Another deep med session this morning.  Afterwards, I considered my upcoming (May 22) interview for a different secretarial position at the Water Department.  I’m not as excited about it as I feel I ought to be.

Matthew 6:

 19“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; 20but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Man, do I ever want to go out and smoke again.  I smoked immediately before this writing.
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Out of reach

From my diary:

Thursday  2014-06-19.  13:30.  In a recent column, Dan Rodricks mentioned Manna House, which I’d never heard of before.  At McD this morning, Roy was talking to somebody and mentioned having been at Manna House last night — “with the critters and the crazies.”  I was quite surprised to hear him talk like that, since in my book, he’s “a critter and a crazy.”  The people who frequent that place must be really bad off.  I would recall [a former therapist, whose principal practice was in addictions]‘s saying, when I asked many years ago about the mentally ill among the homeless, that “they’re so sick they can’t be treated.”  Part of my heart reaches out to them; can it be that I might sink so low as to become able to see the world as they see it?  What does the Gospel look like to a hopeless schizophrenic?

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My cup runneth over

Friday, May 16, 2014. There were a number of events at McD this morning that normally would have distracted me, and did not.  This suggests that presence is becoming habitual — as is focus on my goals.  But there may be more involved.

Roy and Jimmy sat in a booth near me, and Roy was complaining that the clothes they give him at the clothes window at the shelter aren’t always the right size.  He also, to my amazement, complained about the food.  I answered him silently, “If you were focused on advancing your own situation, you wouldn’t be concerned about those things.”

In the past, it has been a powerful distraction to me (scandal, offense) that so many men around me have no interest in improving their lives.
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“Francis” and the phonograph

Today is my youngest brother’s 65th birthday, and a good occasion for me to pay tribute to him as an inspiration and role model.

He’s six years my senior.  We have two other brothers, one 7½ and one 9 years my senior.

Let’s see if I can compose this before my Net access runs out for today, 45 minutes from now.

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