Saturday, May 17, 2014. Another deep med session this morning. Afterwards, I considered my upcoming (May 22) interview for a different secretarial position at the Water Department. I’m not as excited about it as I feel I ought to be.
19“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; 20but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Man, do I ever want to go out and smoke again. I smoked immediately before this writing.
Continue reading Treasures in heaven redux
A month off-track brought me back
to what I want to do in life, and why.
Continue reading Detours
From my diary:
Thursday 2014-06-19. 13:30. In a recent column, Dan Rodricks mentioned Manna House, which I’d never heard of before. At McD this morning, Roy was talking to somebody and mentioned having been at Manna House last night — “with the critters and the crazies.” I was quite surprised to hear him talk like that, since in my book, he’s “a critter and a crazy.” The people who frequent that place must be really bad off. I would recall [a former therapist, whose principal practice was in addictions]‘s saying, when I asked many years ago about the mentally ill among the homeless, that “they’re so sick they can’t be treated.” Part of my heart reaches out to them; can it be that I might sink so low as to become able to see the world as they see it? What does the Gospel look like to a hopeless schizophrenic?
Continue reading Out of reach
Friday, May 16, 2014. There were a number of events at McD this morning that normally would have distracted me, and did not. This suggests that presence is becoming habitual — as is focus on my goals. But there may be more involved.
Roy and Jimmy sat in a booth near me, and Roy was complaining that the clothes they give him at the clothes window at the shelter aren’t always the right size. He also, to my amazement, complained about the food. I answered him silently, “If you were focused on advancing your own situation, you wouldn’t be concerned about those things.”
In the past, it has been a powerful distraction to me (scandal, offense) that so many men around me have no interest in improving their lives.
Continue reading My cup runneth over
Today is my youngest brother’s 65th birthday, and a good occasion for me to pay tribute to him as an inspiration and role model.
He’s six years my senior. We have two other brothers, one 7½ and one 9 years my senior.
Let’s see if I can compose this before my Net access runs out for today, 45 minutes from now.
Continue reading “Francis” and the phonograph
The job search feels like an endless exercise in futility.
I recently launched a new hobby that may help me persevere.
It involves the unusual tactic of seeking emotional discomfort.
Continue reading Nemesis of the morning glories
Proverbs 29:18: “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”
I saw it any number of times while teaching: give a child a musical instrument, or the discovery of any other talent, whether art, or sports, or some special interest; and it just transforms that life. The vision of the excellence he or she can achieve, the beauty she or he can create, unlocks vast positive energies. The mediocre-at-best student comes to excel in every subject. The child who was awkward and socially withdrawn begins to shine.
Continue reading Unlocking the vision
“God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.”
— Psalm 46:1
I am aging much faster than I’d like. Continue reading Scary
(Originally published 09/15/12 at Trojan Horse Productions. Reblogged 06/25/14.)
Teddy is an old man. He wears a rosary around his neck, and never fails to “testify” in chapel. “I talk to the Father, Son and Holy Ghost every day,” he says. Every time there’s an altar call, he runs right up there to get born-again — again. Five times a week, he’ll do that.
He got barred out a year ago for selling someone oxycontin.
Friday night 09/07/12, he came back. He insists to everyone that he’s never been here before, and said he wants to get into the program.
Aside from those things, he hasn’t changed at all. Still all the same empty religious talk.
Sunday night he said he changed his mind about the program. They require you to sign over all your benefits, and he’s not willing to do that. That tells me you don’t want to get well.
I get bad feelings every time I see him.
———— ♦ ————
Sitting outside waiting to be let in, Wednesday 08/29/12 Fallon and a couple other guys I don’t like too much got into reminiscing about how this shelter used to be, years ago, before the renovation. This upset me.
Continue reading Keep the focus on you