Changing what I want


Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Last week I was turned away from the shelter three times:  Sunday night, Wednesday night and Thursday night.

Under current conditions, to be sure I get a bunk, I must show up no later than 14:15.  It’s not just a matter of being on time, but of getting near the front of the line.  And that’s iffy in itself, given that there’s always a bum rush when the gate opens at 14:30.

Accordingly, I must wrap up my activities at church at 13:30 and leave out no later than 13:45.  But the way my day goes, it’s normally 13:00 before I have opportunity to do anything for job search.  That leaves me half an hour.  Can’t do much in half an hour.  It’s been a daily disappointment that I don’t even get off the e-mail to J___ M___, my contact at S&K.

What I want ain’t getting done.  May be time to change what I want —from what I’ve been doing
to what I need to do
given the constraints of what’s available
in my current circumstances.

This can be referred to as “discipline.”

Am I doing what I want?  If I change what I do, and choose to want that, then I will still be doing what I want.  But those may be better things.

My typical day at church has gone like this.  First, I take a nap.  Then I take my meds, normally at 8:00.   Next comes prayer time, normally an hour.  Then I read my e-mails, review the stats for this blog, read through my Yahoo! News feed, read any articles of interest, research questions they may bring up; visit Messiah Truth; visit Facebook; and transcribe my diary from manuscript into an electronic file.  And, normally, by that time, it’s 13:00.

I’ve already quit transcribing my diary, for the time being.  I am the secretary of the Church Council (vestry), and am responsible for the minutes.  Last month when we met, I hadn’t got the minutes done from the previous meeting.  We will meet again on November 20, and then I will need to have two sets of minutes to present.  This requires a lot of online time and access to a printer.  As of yesterday, I will do no diary transcription until those minutes are done.

What about those other activities?

Someone suggested to me this morning that, if job search (JS) is truly the First Thing (most important), I make it literally the First Thing, and do that first; let the other activities wait until later.  It seems easier to me to make JS the thing I want most, and to dismiss even wanting to do the other things.  It’s one thing to put them off, each day, until I will first have accomplished something significant for JS; it’s another thing that, each day, I may wind up having no time to engage them at all.

Will that disappoint me?

If I love myself enough, it won’t hurt much.

Related:  Choosing to feel good is not a no-brainer.
Related:  Choosing what to want isn’t a no-brainer, either.

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Next post: Job search diary 11/09/16 – 11/29/16

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